I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
