some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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