I need help removing her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
