ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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