Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
