My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
