I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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