Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
