You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
