I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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