Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
