And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
