Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
