i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How does one acquire holy water?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
