I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
