We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
