I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
