Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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