every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
