its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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