remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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