she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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