I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
