I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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