You just made me feel so damn special
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
