What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
