great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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