i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
