You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
