Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
