this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
