i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
