u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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