I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
