update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
