so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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