All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
