batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's always time for handjobs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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