Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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