i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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