her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
