dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
