Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think my fart just growled at me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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