The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
