$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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