when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
