it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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