I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
