Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
