dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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