what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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