just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
