You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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