Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
