Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
