so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
