BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
