my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
