I just pynch a tree in the face
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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