So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
