he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
